10 Reasons Why I Hate My Girlfriend's Gay Best-Friend
1) You aren't just gay, you're over-the-top gay. Guys are not female; never should one be referred to as "girlfriend" or "sister". You wear tighter pants than said girlfriend, and that just freaks me out. You look like eurotrash gone horribly wrong. Just because you're gay doesn't mean that WHATEVER you wear will immediately be fashionable and good-looking.
2) You're a fucking sissy. You "can't drink beer" so we have to spend a shitload more at the bar because of you. You can't get rained on, so I have to hear you whine if it even fucking gets cloudy. You can't walk more than one mile so we take the fucking T ONE STOP... for fuck's sake you made us take the T from Arlington to Boylston... seriously dude, go die.
3) You hit on my friends. I feel as though that says enough right there. 4) You fucking drag us to gay night. Sure, the club is cool... and the booze is cheap... but IT'S FUCKING GAY NIGHT. I might as well just change my name to Vagina McVagistein.
5) You have to go shopping. All the time. You comment on what I buy. No, it's not ultra low-rise. No, it's not Super Slim-Fit. I'm not a fucking tampon. I wear clothes that fit me. Don't talk about them and i'll pretend like I don't notice you're stuffing your pants with a tubesock.
6) You're a cheap bastard and don't pay for anything.
7) You make her make me wear dumb GLBT shit. I support your cause.. in that I don't hate it. But seriously, those t-shirts are just not my thing, let alone really lame looking-- you'd think being made by gay guys they might look half-way decent...
8) You make me fight for you. You act like a dipshit in the bar, and consequently some asshat decides he wants to kick your ass (rightfully so, mind you) and you can't do shit, so I have to step in. You know why? Because SHE'LL flip if I don't help you and call me a bad boyfriend, and even if I ignore that, you'll get rocked and then i'll have to deal with your beat ass whining and crying for a fucking month.
9) You make a point of telling EVERYONE you're gay. We don't care... besides, it's not like we couldn't tell.
10) You wear my girlfriend's clothes. Nothing fuckin keeps my dick limp like seeing something that I thought looked fuckin hot on her on you now. ugh. I'm not a homophobe, and I don't hate gay people... just him.
2) You're a fucking sissy. You "can't drink beer" so we have to spend a shitload more at the bar because of you. You can't get rained on, so I have to hear you whine if it even fucking gets cloudy. You can't walk more than one mile so we take the fucking T ONE STOP... for fuck's sake you made us take the T from Arlington to Boylston... seriously dude, go die.
3) You hit on my friends. I feel as though that says enough right there. 4) You fucking drag us to gay night. Sure, the club is cool... and the booze is cheap... but IT'S FUCKING GAY NIGHT. I might as well just change my name to Vagina McVagistein.
5) You have to go shopping. All the time. You comment on what I buy. No, it's not ultra low-rise. No, it's not Super Slim-Fit. I'm not a fucking tampon. I wear clothes that fit me. Don't talk about them and i'll pretend like I don't notice you're stuffing your pants with a tubesock.
6) You're a cheap bastard and don't pay for anything.
7) You make her make me wear dumb GLBT shit. I support your cause.. in that I don't hate it. But seriously, those t-shirts are just not my thing, let alone really lame looking-- you'd think being made by gay guys they might look half-way decent...
8) You make me fight for you. You act like a dipshit in the bar, and consequently some asshat decides he wants to kick your ass (rightfully so, mind you) and you can't do shit, so I have to step in. You know why? Because SHE'LL flip if I don't help you and call me a bad boyfriend, and even if I ignore that, you'll get rocked and then i'll have to deal with your beat ass whining and crying for a fucking month.
9) You make a point of telling EVERYONE you're gay. We don't care... besides, it's not like we couldn't tell.
10) You wear my girlfriend's clothes. Nothing fuckin keeps my dick limp like seeing something that I thought looked fuckin hot on her on you now. ugh. I'm not a homophobe, and I don't hate gay people... just him.
posted by cockoholick at 12:25 PM
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