Even Porn Stars Have Feelings: Notthatboy

Notthatboy: "very now and then being so completely super saturated in all this weirdness and sex and debauchery leave me really craving something wholesome. When you're doing porn, and GoGo and...Well and whatever else it is we're doing you become starved for the normal. Before moving here my boyfriend and I spent 2 years living a sub-human existence in a voyeur dorm for the world to see. I used to do web shows for hours a day where the people in attendance would talk to me with less respect than they would a street rat. An anonymous identity on the internet affords a certain amount of courage to people that probably wouldn't even have the balls to approach you in person. When you're sitting in that kind of forum for hours at a time you wind up being a human punching bag where relative strangers take their issues out on you whatever they may be. The proprietors(believe me this is far too kind of a word) of this business did nothing to stop this kind of mistreatment. In fact often they were worse than the customers themselves.(conversely real porn, i.e. video work is a whole other world entirely where generally you are treated very well, this is why I left the internet world behind long ago with the exception of this blog) Even to the strongest of people this sort of dehumanizing existence can really give you a nice, unwelcome mind fuck. Leaving that place and moving to the city was a breath of fresh air to us. New York meant freedom from the people who had been controlling nearly every aspect of our lives for so long. New York meant being a human being again. Now, something as silly as a Christmas tree(the one this year is our first that's just ours) can make me all emotional. When I stood and looked at it completed I found myself strangely misty eyed. Its just a silly Christmas tree after all. I've avoided talking about this for a long time and I don't really plan to discuss it further beyond this but its something I've wanted to talk about for a long time. This is why we bake cookies. This is why I love Martha Stewart so much. This is why I could live inside of William Sonoma. This is why my Christmas tree looks like Norman Rockwell threw up on it. Its all about normalcy and balance."