The FAGAT Guide: January 2006

The FAGAT Guide: January 2006: "
We have been single for approximately one month in New York City. In that month, we have started going to the gym at least four times a week, spent approximately $1,000 on denim, shoes, and furniture to spice up our apartment, tried two new facial products and three new haircuts.

On Tuesdays we go to Beige. On Wednesday we go to Phoenix. On Thursdays we go to Duvet. On Friday we go to Opaline. On Saturdays we go to Starlight. On Sundays, we go to Hiro. (On Monday, the Gay Sabbath, we rest.) On each of those nights, we stand by the bar, with every other 23-38 year-old on the city, sizing up whether the boys around us have the right body, haircuts, denim, shoes and facial products. If we find a boy we like, we then have to size up all of the rest of the crowd around him to see if their body, haircuts, denim, shoes and facial products are better than ours. We are 6'3' with brown hair and blue eyes. But that guy over there who is eyeing the same cutie is 6'1' with BLOND hair and blue eyes. Who wins out?

If the temperature is right, we strike up a conversation. If we want to impress the person, we mention our fabulous job. If his is more fabulous, we might be forced to bring up our Ivy League education. If he name drops his law school, we name drop our prep school - all the while eyeing the boys around us who might have gone to prep school AND law school, and checking to see if our eyebrows are better than theirs. 'You read New York Magazine?' we ask. 'We prefer the New Yorker.'

'Oh, you played squash at Brown?' we murmur politely. 'We rowed at Yale.'

So, Jeremy Irons, you think you're 'too competitive with men' to be gay, eh?

Bring it on, bitch. You wouldn't last a day in Chelsea with that haircut."