The Corporate Gays

Meanwhile:

The Corporate Gays

Last night, in the most recent of many awful personal disasters for which I have been responsible, I found myself stranded alone at XES Lounge in Chelsea, at "happy hour," surrounded by "gay professionals." It was 120 degrees in that bar and I was poaching like a salmon.

Poached Aaron with a side order of Corporate Gay.

I know that these days gay men are "just like everyone else" and that "being gay is just one part of them" and they are "not defined by who they sleep with." But, honestly, when I go out on the town, I'd rather see drag queens, leather men, transsexuals, diesel dykes, twinks, fashion bears, punk rock fags, strippers and "escorts" than some guys in a suit who plan to be in bed by 10:30.

At root of this is some sort of attraction to anti-social behavior.

I always find myself withdrawing from conventional things, from the "conventional wisdom," from the things that "everyone is doing." In a city like New York -- where individuality is surpressed by a collective understanding that, if all nine million of us simply "did our own thing," there would be total chaos -- I often feel like I'm in an antagonistic relationship with the whole enterprise.

I had some very uncharitable thoughts about the gay professionals at XES Lounge.

Part of this came from social anxiety and another part came from the fact that I had just stood Richard up for our drinks date.

But mostly I think I felt a knee-jerk negative reaction to the conventionality of the situation -- to the satisfied, laughing, happy people in their nuevo corporate attire and huge, blown-dry hairstyles. I wanted to burn that whole place down. Figuratively, not literally. Please do not have me arrested.

So, when I went over to the Sheep Blog this morning and read this post, I found myself fascinated by the New York Times article that Eric mentions. (His age!) The article proposes cultural answers to the question of why many black men are drawn to a life centered around anti-social behavior, rather than a life centered around productive co-operation with the rest of society.

Eric thinks that gay men turn to the dark side -- drugs and promiscuous sex -- because it's cool. Jason, one of his regular commenters, believes that this anti-social behavior is a self-elected life chosen as an alternative to confronting the realities of racism and homophobia.

I think that there is a piece missing in these explanations, but I can't quite put my finger on what it is.

I know that, as a gay man, it's often a whole Hell of a lot easier just to take my ball and go home, rather than try to hack out a place for myself in the elaborate game of mainstream society, which is focused on obtaining status and prestige through relationships, reproduction and other instruments of play that are unavailable to me.

The New York Times referred to the lifestyle of some black men as "Dionysian," but I wonder if it's really just more "Bartleby, the Scrivener." More "I prefer not to" than Greek bacchanal.

I feel like a loser this morning.

Because obviously the "gay professionals" at XES Lounge know what they are doing, staying in the game, meeting people with similar careers or in the same industry, building up a network of personal connections. And all of that. And me, I know every bartender and doorman in the city, every drag queen, half the leather men, a few strippers, some diesel dykes and a handful of very powerful fashion bears.

I should not complain ...

I know I'm lucky! I appreciate my life of privilege. I just wonder who I would be and what I would be doing if I were a friendly, normal, eagerly co-operative person who was excited about participation in society and not a freaking Firestarter.