Which is your city?

How was your day, Dan?::

My friends and I were discussing the geographic differences of the gays in this great land of ours. Let's say you are invited to a party in...

New York:
Who you want to meet: A dark, edgy beatnik-type who knows all the best places to go.
Who you'll actually meet:A floor manager at the Chelsea Banana Republic.
Opening line:"What do you do?"
What that line means:"Are you as successful as I am, or should I go talk to someone else?"

Los Angeles:
Who you want to meet:A beautiful surfer from Venice Beach with shaggy blond hair, a big smile and great legs.
Who you'll actually meet: An unemployed actor. "Unemployed" being redundant.
Opening line: "Where are you from?"
What that line means: "In what state did you grow up? Because you're obviously not from LA, the only people actually born in LA still live in the Valley."

Chicago:
Who you want to meet: A corn-fed boy from a farm in Indiana, who is shy about acting "gay" in public but is a machine in the sack.
Who you'll actually meet: Some guy with highlights in his hair, wearing head-to-toe Abercrombie. Still.
Opening line: "Where are you from?"
What that line means: "Do you live in Boystown?"

Atlanta:
Who you want to meet: A handsome tall drink o' water with a Southern drawl and a huge dick.
Who you'll actually meet: A guy who says "Girl" a lot and thinks everything is "Greaaaat!"
Opening line: "Do you party?"
What that line means: "Are you currently in the possession of any synthetically-produced drugs which will cause my sperm to grow gills?"

Miami:
Who you want to meet: A gorgeous man of indiscernable Latin descent with wavy black hair, who loves the taste of your bottom lip.
Who you'll actually meet: A condo salesman named Bob.
Opening line: "Who are you here with?"
What that line means: "Did you come here with anyone rich?"

Dallas:
Who you want to meet: A cowboy.
Who you'll actually meet: A queen who shops at Nieman Marcus and has enough botox in his face to paralyze a whale.
Opening line: "Where are you from?"
What that line means: "Get away from me, you're not wearing this season."

San Diego:
Who you want to meet: An guy from one of the nearby military bases who wants to spend all his free time breaking military laws with you.
Who you'll actually meet: An entire room of guys who look exactly the same and are not involved with the military in any way, who stand in little groups with their backs to the rest of the room.
Opening line: "What gym do you belong to?"
What that line means: "What gym do you belong to?"

Boston:
Who you want to meet: A cute college kid, named Elliot or Wesley or something of the sort, who wears sweaters and gets a little rowdy.
Who you will meet: A guy who works at a bank.
Opening line: "Where do you go to school?"
What that line means: "How much money does your family have?"

San Francisco:
Who you want to meet: An smart liberal who likes to eat at trendy restaurants, has some good art, and is really really rich.
Who you will meet: A bitter, jaded man who is staying with his partner for the real estate.
Opening line: "Where are you from?"
What that line means: "If you are into monogamy, you are an idiot."