the SHOWER room

We were having such exuberant fun that night. But I wasn't being myself completely. I was still holding back. And so, impulsively, while my friend Grace was driving me home one early weekend morning, I disclosed the hidden me.

There was silence.

'What did you say?' Grace is asking me to repeat. I didn't want to.
'I'm... gay.' I was almost whispering as if I was fading away of embarrassment.
'No!' Her voice reverberated of sudden frustration. 'No! Say it again. I want you to say it proud!'

There was convinction, and it was magnetic, the most unexpected response. It was difficult enough for me to acknowledge I was gay. But to be proud? The concept was so foreign. I also didn't know how to react. I wanted to cry. Trying not be overly sentimental, my eyes remained dry.

*****

This happened over 8 years ago. One of the most positive experiences one can ever have. What an impact this has made to my life, in creating who I am, and who I will be.

Looking back, Grace, more wise than most would account her for, wished for me to be happy with who I was regardless of what others thought. Being gay was merely surface-talk. It doesn't matter if you're gay or not, the main message was: love yourself, be proud."