Wicked Man Lives: The One?
The trouble with 10's
The book of 10.I've talked about it here, that mental black book that contains all my secrets. "C" was straight from chapter one, smooth swimmer build, scruffy boy hot, and a sort of surety about him that just turned me on. I met him at his loft, bottle(s) of wine in hand.. the guy had it goin on.
His place was very artsy, and totally him. Decked in candles, and everything done to perfection. We talked for a while.. ok he talked, and I just sort of took him in, watching his face, his mouth.. there was this unassuming sweetness about him... they say you can't go back, but he was taking me there. When I finally leaned in to kiss him it was instantly electric.
Something in me was propelled back in time to that guy that I was all those years ago, praying inside for a moment like this, knowing it would never come. laying there behind him my arms wrapped around him tight.. I didn't let him see, just laid there smelling his hair and utterly caught in the moment. It took me a minute to realize I had tears coming, and no idea why. He would have thought I was crazy.. then I realized he was so that guy in chapter one, the one I would have sold my soul for just to have this moment. He never had a face, never had a name.. just this imaginary guy, pieces of every guy that ever made me wish that I were free.
He reached right through me, never intending to. I laid there in the dim light struggling to catch my breath, confused by this thing that just knocked me down, afraid to take my arms off him and literally shaking from the experience. He laid there oblivious.. starting to roll back towards me I held him tighter for a moment.. not wanting him to see.
It wasn't love.. it was more spiritual as corny as that sounds, like something in him unwittingly just reached back and set that lonely boy free. It was in a sort of daze trying to figure it out on the way home that night.. my exploits while they may not be many never affected me this way.. after the cop pulled me over for blowing the redlight I came back to earth. Yet the following day I couldn't get him off my mind.
I TM'd him in what can only be described as random acts of stupidity, a writer at his worst lol, and he most certainly thinks I am quite insane. *sigh* Ever write something lame and just compound it trying to correct it? LOL .. shuddup.
I wanted to explain it to him.. but there just aren't words and I am not even sure I understand it. I wanted to see him again.. but well see. Sometimes when you blow it that's just where it stops.
The book of 10.I've talked about it here, that mental black book that contains all my secrets. "C" was straight from chapter one, smooth swimmer build, scruffy boy hot, and a sort of surety about him that just turned me on. I met him at his loft, bottle(s) of wine in hand.. the guy had it goin on.
His place was very artsy, and totally him. Decked in candles, and everything done to perfection. We talked for a while.. ok he talked, and I just sort of took him in, watching his face, his mouth.. there was this unassuming sweetness about him... they say you can't go back, but he was taking me there. When I finally leaned in to kiss him it was instantly electric.
Something in me was propelled back in time to that guy that I was all those years ago, praying inside for a moment like this, knowing it would never come. laying there behind him my arms wrapped around him tight.. I didn't let him see, just laid there smelling his hair and utterly caught in the moment. It took me a minute to realize I had tears coming, and no idea why. He would have thought I was crazy.. then I realized he was so that guy in chapter one, the one I would have sold my soul for just to have this moment. He never had a face, never had a name.. just this imaginary guy, pieces of every guy that ever made me wish that I were free.
He reached right through me, never intending to. I laid there in the dim light struggling to catch my breath, confused by this thing that just knocked me down, afraid to take my arms off him and literally shaking from the experience. He laid there oblivious.. starting to roll back towards me I held him tighter for a moment.. not wanting him to see.
It wasn't love.. it was more spiritual as corny as that sounds, like something in him unwittingly just reached back and set that lonely boy free. It was in a sort of daze trying to figure it out on the way home that night.. my exploits while they may not be many never affected me this way.. after the cop pulled me over for blowing the redlight I came back to earth. Yet the following day I couldn't get him off my mind.
I TM'd him in what can only be described as random acts of stupidity, a writer at his worst lol, and he most certainly thinks I am quite insane. *sigh* Ever write something lame and just compound it trying to correct it? LOL .. shuddup.
I wanted to explain it to him.. but there just aren't words and I am not even sure I understand it. I wanted to see him again.. but well see. Sometimes when you blow it that's just where it stops.
posted by cockoholick at 2:37 PM
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