The FAGAT Guide

The FAGAT Guide: "The website www.gayghettos.com (who knew?) has come up with a list of up-and-coming new, well, gay ghettos. Obviously the founders of the site are cleverly just trying to corner the luxury online real estate ad market. After all, who wouldn´t want to target a wealthy minority as they peruse the web looking for places to overspend on up-and-coming neighborhoods? But who knows, it might be accurate.

The list is interesting for a few reasons, not the least of which because it includes Andersonville, the Chicago neighborhood where official Straight Fagat Brother, Bald Knob, lives with his girlfriend. (And, oddly, the South End in Boston, the former home of our mom´s ex boyfriend. Like we ever had a chance.)

But we must object to the inclusion of Hell´s Kitchen. Sure, some bargain-hunting gays live there, and yes, Therapy is nearby. But if HK is the future of gay life in the city, we may just move to South Second, WI. We´re no experts, but this is a neighborhood best known for its cramped sublets with fake walls, framed posters, second-hand futons, fake plants, and mismatching Ikea furniture. From what we can tell, the gays that live there are a bunch of double-denim-wearing, TKTS-stub-clutching, DEP-gel-using, Instinct-subscribing, chin-pube-sporting, RENT-soundtrack-(still)-singing, triple-finger-snapping members of Dolphin Fitness. Who couldn´t even get their shit together to live in the East Village.

If this is what´s up-and-coming in New York, we might as well be up and going."